The Newtown Pentacle

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono labi

ex oblivione

with 3 comments

“follow” me on Twitter at @newtownpentacle

- photo by Mitch Waxman

Somehow, I’ve always known that I was destined to write the eulogy for the human race. Like yesterday’s posting, this one was written a couple of days in advance of the Mayan Apocalypse as Our Lady of the Pentacle and myself have sealed ourselves away in a sub astorian survival bunker with our little dog. Can’t imagine who might be reading this, or how, but epitaphs are required, I suppose.

Mayan Apocalypse Countdown: just 0 days left until the 13th b’ak’tun ends, initiating the Mayan Apocalypse. Today is December 21st, here comes the end of all there ever was and will be. Sayonara.

- photo by Mitch Waxman

The devastation must be unendurable up there, with glowing clouds of radioactive dust illuminating the sooty black fumes billowing from an incinerated city. Has the cannibal instinct kicked in yet for the survivors, or do they yet cling to some myth of civilization?

- photo by Mitch Waxman

The terrifying part, for the scientifically minded, must be the presence of the beasts of revelation. Those impossibly huge brass shelled locusts, the abominations of the sea, the fleets of alien warships plying the skies. Nibiru must be occluding the burning thermonuclear eye of god itself, rendering a permanent twilight with sooty gray clouds underlit by the crimson and orange of vain glory and hubris.

- photo by Mitch Waxman

Down in the bunker, Our Lady and I plan on making hot cocoa today. Ruminations about our former lives are undoubtedly going to be a topic of conversation. The still suits we ordered from Amazon will provide us with an endless cycle of reclaimed urine, and the tons of MRE’s we have stockpiled should keep we apes and the canine happily fed.

- photo by Mitch Waxman

The purpose of this posting, which Im sure will never be read by purely human eyes, is to eulogize the planet and all life upon it in general- not to gloat over my own safety and preparedness. In my former life on the surface, I once had the pleasure of meeting Douglas Adams- author of the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, who was a fine and clever chap. The ending of human civilization merits a quotation from the great satirist, I believe, so here goes: “So long, and thanks for all the fish”.

I will keep posting as long as the power holds out, good luck to all of you on the surface, and I- for one- welcome our new alien overlords.

Welcome to the 14th b’ak’tun.

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Written by Mitch Waxman

December 21, 2012 at 12:15 am

3 Responses

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  1. Novis quid timor faciam insipidis hominis facere conservare ipse ex inferis.

    I tend to look on the bright side of this wretched apocalypse buisness: I do not have to pay any outstanding bills, get the day off from work and other miscellaneous chores, tasks, obligations, etc. need not be done. Certainly a slacker’s dream come true!

    If survival became necessary, friends in the right places are readily obtainable. It’s highly recommended if one were to schmooze That Which Cannot Exist ensconced in the cupola of the Sapphire Megalith with clever conversation in finance and hyperdemsional physics. And through a thorough study of certain arcane lore, that Nyarlathotep is partial to black espresso and a flagon of Glenfiddich- after several draughts of which, will vote you a capital fellow.

    So far, I’m not seeing a downside to this doomsday thing.

    However, if the cataclysm predicted were to fail to occur, what would you do with the vast subterranean bunker complex you’ve constructed? Would you be willing to rent it with underground parking, gas/electric and ICBM silo included?

    Cav

    December 21, 2012 at 1:57 am

  2. Sorry, typo, that’s “hyperdimensional”

    Cav

    December 21, 2012 at 2:00 am

  3. “Hey slip me five so I know you’re alive.” – Ed Norton

    Welcome home, Mitch. The HMM in just 11 daze.

    georgetheatheist

    December 21, 2012 at 10:40 am


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