The Newtown Pentacle

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono labi

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It’s National Spumoni Day, in these United States.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Gaze ye wicked, and despair, for today’s solar eclipse heralds a new dark age! when the burning thermonuclear eye of God itself is occluded by the heathen Moon… well… let’s just say things are going to be getting pretty metal this afternoon. My understanding is that you’ll start seeing it go dark around 1:20 p.m., with the eclipse peaking at precisely 2:44 p.m. and the whole thing is meant to be over and done with by 4 p.m. That’s a two hour and forty minute window during which the dead might rise, Satan’s abominable court will hold authority upon the Earth, and an interval during which cats and dogs will live together peaceably will occur.

The lords and ladies pictured above have warned us, and they did it on Steinway Street no less. That’s democratizing the “word,” I tell ya. Repent, for the time of tribulation is nigh! Nigh I tell you, nigh.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

A few people asked me where I’d be photographing the eclipse from, and they shuddered at my answer that I’ll be hunkered down and deep underground in the bunker we set up for the Mayan Apocalypse a few years ago.

So many unlikely things have occurred this year… the odds of there being a triffid swarm clacking down the LIE in search of prey blinded by staring into the sun, or the dead rising at Calvary… the mind boggles at the possibilities. My biggest worry actually revolves around the holy rollers, whose emergent flat earth proselytizing and general supranormal belief system might be threatened by the celestial display, losing their collective minds and starting a riot.

I don’t need no eclipse glasses, yo. I’ve got my tin foil hat to protect my delicate eyes.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

I do live in a neighborhood which has a “hells gate” after all, here in Astoria, Queens. That’s why I’ll be in the bunker.


Upcoming Tours and events

DUPBO Newtown Creek Walking Tour, with NYCH20 – Thursday August 24th, 7 p.m. – 9 p.m.
Explore Greenpoint and Hunters Point, with NCA Historian Mitch Waxman details here.

America’s Workshop Newtown Creek Walking Tour, with Atlas Obscura – Saturday August 26th, 11 a.m. – 2 p.m.
Explore the Dutch Kills tributary of Newtown Creek in Long Island City, with NCA Historian Mitch Waxman details here.

“follow” me on Twitter- @newtownpentacle


Written by Mitch Waxman

August 21, 2017 at 11:00 am

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