The Newtown Pentacle

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono labi

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Really, how free are the birds, actually?

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Air traffic is something we all notice, occasionally indulge in, and which we are surrounded by. Newtown Pentacle HQ is in Astoria, Queens and LaGuardia Airport is literally on the other side of the neighborhood so I guess that I see a bit more in the way of passing passenger jets than most do. Luckily, the flight path approaches seem to be rotated so that no one neighborhood, other than East Elmhurst, gets the honor of being a daily pathway for the airborne masses and the host of pathogens they carry in their skinvelopes.

Saying that though, one worries about zombies. If the undead contagion arrives in NYC, and NY1 is reporting that hordes of revenants have begun to tear into the local population, it will have likely arrived in the City at one of our three airports. I can only hope it would start at Newark or JFK, so I’d have some time to board up the windows and reinforce the doors with odd pieces of furniture. My bet is that the neighborhood of Jamaica, Queens would make short work of the revenants, as they seem to be very well armed out there.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Those of us who aren’t members of the Saudi Royal family, the Political Elites, or relative paupers like the Walls Street guys wouldn’t have the option of using private helicopters to escape the hordes of flesh eaters, and would need to shelter in place instead. It would be wise to blockade the bridges, of course, as the last thing we’d need in Western Queens would be for the Manhattan people to start trying to take shelter hereabouts. We get enough of that “let them eat cake” crap as it is from the population of that island.

Actually, the smart thing to do would be to lead the zombies out of Queens and towards Manhattan. Then, we blockade the bridges. Let the City people deal with it.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Of course, the fleeing masses of upper class folks would soon spread the zombie plague to Fire Island, Montauk, the Hamptons, and Martha’s Vineyard. Nobody ever really comes back from Suffolk County, so… not so much of problem for us in Western Queens. There’s no way that the hordes of undead assassins would be able to penetrate the crowded highways back into the City, they’d get stuck in a body jam on the LIE.

Additionally, nobody beats the Van Wyck, ever.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Personally, Our Lady of the Pentacle and I would be fine. We’ve got around three cans of tomato soup in the cupboard, and a few cans of Goya chick peas as well. That’s enough food to wait out the apocalypse, isn’t it?

On a non sarcastic note, today is National Dog Day, so go love your puppy.

“follow” me on Twitter- @newtownpentacle

Written by Mitch Waxman

August 26, 2016 at 1:00 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Sir, I again remind you that those of the ‘alternative definition of alive’ community take ill such scandalously negative stereotypes promulgated by those whom they refer to as ‘solids’ such as yourself are herewith propagating.
    To be fair, they do not trouble you at all during your perambulations through Calvary or other cemeteries, their neighbourhoods so to speak, so why do you vex them so?

    Furthermore, such rudeness might start a bit of a row with the Graveyard Rabbits (who are still considering you for membership I might add and even my good offices may not avail if you persist) and can have you stricken from the taphophile rolls in disgrace.

    One would think you are viewed as a malcontented bounder by enough people (at least by those who count if only in their own opinion) and have been chucked out of enough places already (oh, the shame of personae non-grata at Queenscrap).

    Otherwise do have a care to use more appropriately amorphous descriptions wrapped in Lovecraftian macabre prose as well as a few sly double entendres for the illicit titillation of certain readers.

    Don Cavaioli


    August 26, 2016 at 3:01 pm

  2. “… reinforce the doors with odd pieces of furniture.”

    Reminds me of what the rent-striking Ralph Kramden did to prevent Landlord Johnson ingress to the apartment.

    AND… there’s way too much sodium in the soup can. Check it out. The Goya beans as well but I only add them to the salad after a thorough rinsing. You can even see the sodium flow down the drain.

    georgetheatheist . . hinting helpfully

    August 26, 2016 at 5:54 pm

  3. I’ve seen your plan already put into effect—by you!

    Maybe a fumetti-style sequel is called for, to show the rest of us around the Pentacle the best hiding spots. I’d imagine Maspeth, with all those industrialized areas normally devoid of people.


    August 28, 2016 at 11:53 am

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