The Newtown Pentacle

Wednesday

– photo by Mitch Waxman

One piloted the Mobile Oppression Platform over to the community of Millvale recently, to check out a ‘river walk’ trail that I’ve had pegged on my Google maps inventory for a while now. This spot is on the north coast of the Allegheny River and just east of Pittsburgh proper. Active rail moves through here, and there’s also plenty of ruined rail infrastructure to inspect as well.

Funny thing is, this was a particularly annoying afternoon for me but that had little to do with the two or three miles of photowalking which I came here to experience. In general, but specifically on this afternoon, the human infestation just sucks the joy out of everything.

People, amirite?

– photo by Mitch Waxman

This trail is a part of the Three Rivers Heritage Trail, a combined bike and pedestrian dealie which snakes all around the Pittsburgh Metro area.

There’s a parking lot, which is where I left the car while walking around – as you’d imagine. When it was time for me to leave, I get into the car and pull out of the spot. Where I pulled out, it’s a marked lane indicating travel in the other direction, which means I needed to cross to the other side of the lot where the intended direction is allowed to travel. Thing is, just as I pulled out of the spot and into the lane, I see these two guys on bikes riding towards me, so I immediately come to a complete stop with the intention of waiting for them to pass before I do anything else.

Now, these two guys – they were the ‘Bro Type’ of bikers. You know these sorts of testosterone monkeys – wearing Oakley mirror sunglasses, bike helmets, the biker’s stretchy shorts, and logo laden silky bicycle shirts. The bike is outfitted with multiple water bottles and gadgets. The sort who talk about riding a bicycle with the thousand mile stare of a combat veteran.

One of them (the apparent Dominar who likely self describes himself as an ‘Alpha’ or ‘Sigma’ male) rides up to my drivers side window, while I’m waiting for them to pass rather patiently – with a sneer on his face – to inform me that ‘it’s one way, asshole’ and then gestures at my rear view mirror in a manner that indicated he was planning on knocking it off the door.

Why are ‘the bicycle people’ always such complete and utter dicks?

Four wheels bad, two wheels good, that’s why. Seriously, their two road bikes probably cost as much as my car did. They were drivers too, obviously, as I saw them unloading their bikes from a rack on the back of a Subaru. I’ll bet you anything that they wouldn’t have sat there patiently waiting for me to pass if I was walking past their car.

When the guy mouthed off at me, I let him know what Brooklyn sounded like, and he seemed shocked by both the depths of my profanity and the revelation which he received about his Mother’s sexual proclivities. Specifically shocking to him was Mommy’s passion for lying down with the beasts of the field, while singing Dixie.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Closer to home and later on in the day, I found myself merging into a turn lane in the center of the City, something which another driver some four to five car lengths behind me displayed great umbrage over.

A tiny person who was driving a gray Volkswagen, this eidelon of assholes started steady honking her horn at me while throwing up both middle fingers, and unintelligibly screaming hostilities out her car window. This series of behavioral tics were observed in my rear view mirror when she was merely two car lengths away, as traffic compressed behind a red light – which also seemed to upset her. The tirade continued for about two to three miles, until she triumphantly passed me by at a traffic light, with one last middle finger salute offered as she passed. Wow.

Road rage is a really, really weird phenomena and I just don’t understand why the angry humans act as they do. It doesn’t make sense, and why do something so high energy if it isn’t going to achieve anything at all? I mean… there’s traffic and a red light. Why would you accelerate your vehicle if you’re coming up to a complete stop?

It… doesn’t… make… sense…

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