The Newtown Pentacle

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono labi

long sleep

with 3 comments

“…To the last, I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart, I stab at thee; for hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.”

– photo by Mitch Waxman

The Moby Dick quotation above, made famous by Ricardo Montalban in his role as Star Trek’s Khan, is something I recently said to a Time Warner Cable representative. The latest round of outages in Astoria began with the lightning storms that provided the ramp up to the 4th of July holiday. Storm damage is understandable, but this had nothing to do with weather. Instead, it was just another one of their periodic screw ups which randomly black out cable modems and TV screens in the neighborhood. Luckily, we only use the internet service that these clowns offer, but upstairs – Mario and Dario could not watch their beloved World Cup.

You stand between Croatians and their soccer at your peril, I will warn you.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

The usual dance with the TWC call centers ensued, the one where you speak first to a Canadian who “is all aboot getting yer service restored” but can’t actually do anything as she’s works for a third party company whose job can be basically described as “delaying tactics.” Understanding their woeful system as I do, I mentioned the word “FIOS” several times, which allowed me to skip up the managerial levels until I finally spoke to someone in NYC. This TWC employee actually admitted that there was an outage in my area, which is a bit of a victory on the TWC front.

If there was an award for “sucking,” TWC’s system would be placing a lot of little statues on its shelves.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

This time around, it took around two days for them to get the system back on. It’s still sort of tremulous, with the signal turning on and off several times a minute, and I find myself plugging and unplugging the TWC modem a few times a day to restart or refresh the connection with the central switch. The issues with their network have much to do with the nightmarish wiring job they’ve installed around the neighborhood, and I find the infinity loop of wire pictured above to be a rather appropriate symbol for what its like dealing with the de facto monopoly of suck that is TWC.

“follow” me on Twitter- @newtownpentacle


Written by Mitch Waxman

July 9, 2014 at 1:22 pm

3 Responses

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  1. Blast! If only someone would invent another cable system, like say the aforementioned, mythical FIOS or perhaps using satellites or something this drama would be rendered as unnecessary as this never ending argument with TWC would be the pointless ravings of a mad man.


    July 10, 2014 at 3:36 am

    • And with the conversation with the Canadian help center person the way you put “is all aboot getting yer service restored”, I visualized a Canadian character from South Park on the other end of the line. Go figure.


      July 10, 2014 at 3:40 am

  2. Yo brother dump them fools. When I lived near your domicile I had RCN which is located a dog’s walk away from you (Across the street from Pizza Hut on Northern Blvd ) it was cheaper and worked much better. Less people on the bandwidth. Check it out and save yourself all the aggravation.


    July 15, 2014 at 4:52 pm

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