The Newtown Pentacle

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono labi

know thy zone

with 2 comments

As everyone knows, August 23rd is the Night of the Living Dead. Prepare your “go bags,” Lords and Ladies, and know your zone.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Famously, there are indeed more dead people in Queens than there are living. The Rural Cemeteries Act of 1847 forbade interments in Manhattan, which begat what is called “the Cemetery Belt” spanning the borders of Brooklyn and Queens. There are three million corpses in Calvary Cemetery alone. Should the dead rise this or any other year, we are going to be in a real pickle.

As a public service, zone maps of the danger that various communities face are offered in the hope that individuals can prepare for the coming storm.


Courtesy of, here’s a shot of western Long Island and the southern tip of Manhattan.


Here’s a rough illustration of our study area, the so called Newtown Pentacle. As you might notice, a significant number of cemeteries are found therein, and the area transverses from Bushwick to Astoria and from Flushing to the Wallabout.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

Nearly all of the area cemeteries are surrounded by stout fencing, and there are but a few points of egress into and out of the polyandrions.  How well these often century old fence lines would do against an army of flesh eating ghouls is questionable, but one cannot speculate on their structural integrity.

Zombieland rule # 32 applies


First Calvary, in particular, is isolated by high walls and expressways from its environs, with only two points at which the slavering horde of undead assassins might access the surrounding neighborhoods. One would not want to be in West Maspeth or Blissville on Saturday night, however.


In the graphic above, the actual cemetery boundaries are roughly sketched out in orange.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

One would imagine that the NYPD would be forced to collapse the East River Tunnels and detonate the roadways of the great bridges to protect the Shining City of Manhattan from the onslaught of the Living Dead.


For those of us who reside in the Newtown Pentacle, this heat map is offered. The areas of darkest red are surely goners, and it is suggested that we refer to these areas as Zone A. Zones B & C likely have a fighting chance, should they be well prepared to shelter in place for an interval. Realistically, if you haven’t evacuated within the first twelve hours of the Night of the Living Dead, you’re already doomed.

Because Dawn is coming.

also, from youtube


“follow” me on Twitter- @newtownpentacle

Written by Mitch Waxman

August 22, 2014 at 11:52 am

2 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Man, I jus’ luv it when he blogs about the Boogeymen. Donchu?

    georgetheatheist . . . the worms crawl in; the worms crawl out

    August 22, 2014 at 4:14 pm

  2. My good Humble Narrator, I am afraid this post of yours has caused quite a row over here and a missive to be delivered to the Pentacle.

    After reading this post to one with whom I co-habitate who happens to be, as she is pleased to call herself, an alternative or non-traditional form of being alive (organically living challenged is passe’) and she grew quite irate at the both of us. You for positing the dead as being a bunch of Hollywood stereotype brain eating zombies and myself for my japes about it and other jests about the ’til death do us part’ clause with which she takes exception. My bad.

    After knocking a few things about and making some rude remarks about how no self-respecting dead person would deign to eat either of our brains due to their poor nutritional value, she then left in a huff.
    Well, before long, there was a whole angry delegation of non-traditional form of being alive persons (calling them ghosts or spooks just seemed to irritate them more) clamoring at my door. Being that internet access and Wi-Fi is very poor at cemeteries, ya know, I was therefore asked to deliver the following message:

    Mr. Waxman, greetings and salutations.

    We of the community of alternative and non-traditional forms of life found this latest post of yours to be deeply offensive and herewith demand an apology.

    Now sirrah, we may not be alive as you organic material types but nontheless we have feelings all the same. If you cut us do we not bleed? Well, perhaps not with physical blood but spiritually we are wounded. So you get the picture.

    We are an honest, hard working community of folks made up of your friends, neighbors and family and so your characterization of us as mindless, flesh eating zombies is a bigoted and ignorant stereotype with which we take deep exception. All we wish to do is to peacefully continue our afterlife.
    Now we acknowledge there are a few bad hats amongst us but they are a very small percentage of marginalized ones whose activities we roundly condemn.

    We remind you that during your perambulations through our neighborhoods, or cemeteries as they would be known to you, we never trouble you as you click away with your camera so why now such scurrilous musings about us? And that dratted photo from that wretched Mr. Romero’s film. What nonsense that any of us would shamble about in only our boxers or in a filthy hospital gown with our bums showing! Although in somewhat various states of decay, we still have our dignity.

    Now mind your manners, sir, or next time we shan’t be so welcoming. We shall set our bouncers, the lichs and gaunts upon you and they shall kick you out. And the same goes for this ne’er do well rascal (pointing at me as I write) too.

    Good day sir.


    August 22, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: