clamoured forms
Monday
– photo by Mitch Waxman
Riding the trains again, that’s me. As stated previously, I never thought I’d come to a juncture in my life where I missed riding the subways but I guess that’s what a fairly unprecedented public health emergency teaches a guy. The shot above, of course, wasn’t captured within the system. Instead I was scuttling down Skillman Avenue on my way to do a thing. I’m also “doing things” again. Had my very first live and in person meeting in the last 16 months just last week. Everybody in the room was vaxxed, naturally.
A humble narrator finds himself in a weird place these days. As I’ve mentioned to several people in the last month or so, I no longer have any tolerance whatsoever for other people’s bullshit. Used to be that I’d make excuses for you, or try to explain the many reasons why you’re justified acting like a walking/talking asshole. No more. No second chances. Piss me off just a little bit these days and it doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other – you’re done. If you’re somebody I didn’t like all that much to start with… woof.
– photo by Mitch Waxman
I find that the angst and anxiety I was experiencing throughout the pandemic has transformed into red hot anger. What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you all really this stupid and selfish? Those are questions which have been soundly answered, and the answer is “yes.”
Accordingly, my inclination is to say “Ok, no more Mr. Nice Guy,” and to stop pretending that I’m a better person than I actually am. Patience is no longer a virtue I exhibit. If there isn’t a payoff for being decent, I’ll just go the other way and get mine. Fuck y’all. This is an inclination which I’m currently struggling with.
– photo by Mitch Waxman
While I’m trying to figure out how to quell all of the anger and disappointment I’m carrying around with me, I’m also trying to find a way forward which doesn’t involve me screaming at people at the top of my lungs about minor sleights and annoyances. Just this morning, I had to instruct my bagel guy to stop talking and just listen to my bagel shepherding instructions with an “I’M TALKING NOW, JUST LISTEN.” I apologized afterwards, and tipped him well for the affront, but holy smokes am I currently a lit fuse waiting to go off. Sorry Jose, wasn’t your fault.
Best thing, I think, is to solitarily hit the streets with the camera and lose myself in a few audiobooks. It’s been a while since I listened to “The Dunwich Horror” so I’m going to start trying to calm myself with a bit of my old pal Howie Lovecraft.
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The Newtown Pentacle 
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