The Newtown Pentacle

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono labi

largely baseless

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Zombie Response Vehicle in Queens.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

This Jeep was spotted at a service station found at the intersection of Northern Blvd. and Newtown Road just the other day, and it was adorned with multiple decals indicating that it was the property of a Zombie Response Team. I’m glad that someone is finally taking this sort of eventuality seriously. Somebody has to.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

There are plenty of zombie apocalypse “preppers” here in Western Queens, have no doubt about it. Caches of hand weapons abound in Astoria, and there are thousands of firearms hidden away in closets, basements, and garages – just in case of a manifest plague of Zombies (or a breakout at nearby Rikers, or a sudden influx of hipsters from Brooklyn). I didn’t know there was an organized vehicle fleet, but I must point out that this sort of vehicle would be somewhat inadequate for the sort of infestation that New York City would need to deal with. You’d really need an armored car or truck.

– photo by Mitch Waxman

The big question that elected officials in Queens would ponder in a Zombie uprising would be whether or not Zombies could vote. If the walking dead could cast a ballot, would they reliably vote for Democrats? It wouldn’t be the first time that the population of a graveyard helped buoy an election victory around these parts, after all, and the Zombies would be courted by them. A brain in every pot, they would promise, and resolutions to outlaw blows to the cranium would be introduced by the City Council shortly afterward.

“follow” me on Twitter- @newtownpentacle

Written by Mitch Waxman

May 22, 2014 at 11:00 am

One Response

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  1. A 1940’s or 50’s vintage Willis Jeep with its simple to maintain and repair engine with a set of common hand tools and tires that can be changed in the field by unbolting the rims would be my vehicle of choice in such a situation.

    For zombie apocalypse preparation, simple, low-tech, easy to repair and maintain equipment is best. When your high-tech gadgetry inevitably fails due to its complexity (as would be predicted by chaos theory), unable to obtain hard to manufacture spare parts, you’ll soon be calling upon those friends whom you derided for their collection of functional antique telephones, radios and other useful things.

    The vote of the dead in Chicago was what pushed Kennedy over the top so one must wonder if the zombies and various other forms of the undead haven’t been living (so to speak) amongst us all along.


    May 22, 2014 at 12:49 pm

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